Diplomatics hazards

Diplomatic Hazards: Somewhere Asia.

By LB Labuschagne

Meintjeskop Ditaba No II /1998

While in Beijing, the wife of a Scandinavian Ambassador related the following story to my wife concerning an official visit her husband made in the region.

The Ambassador, a dignified, very correct and status conscious gentleman, and his Third Secretary embarked on a visit. Their troubles started when seats they booked had been allocated elsewhere and they had to travel in the back of the plane. On landing they found that, while they arrived, their luggage had not. On getting into the rather small taxi the Ambassador's pants split. This necessitated entering the hotel in tandem, with the Third Secretary occupying a close strategic position behind his Ambassador which elicited rather curious looks from the local populace.

The hotel, not being blessed with a constellation of stars, did not have the usual sewing kit in the bathroom nor such other toiletries as razors or toothbrushes.

Enquiries were made and after some time a cheerful lady who spoke neither English nor any known Scandinavian language, appeared and disappeared with the trousers, leaving our hapless diplomat stranded for a few hours necessitating the cancellation of an appointment or two.

On entering the dining room for his evening meal it was discovered that the only other Westerners (a generic term used for Non Asians) present were another Ambassador from Beijing and his wife Now, normally a friendly face when one is far from home is most welcome, however, every diplomatic corps has its local bores.

Pleasant people but whose scintillating conversation usually runs out after five minutes.

There they were beaming in delight at the sight of a friendly face. They happily informed our luckless diplomat that they would be in the same hotel for the next three days and insisted on sharing a table for every meal.

By the third day the luggage had still not arrived and our Nordic pair were looking decidedly ragged around the jowls, sporting Don Johnson type of beards but without the same aesthetic effect. On a final note it can be mentioned that the particular city was rather known for the presence of large birds of the Raptor species. To finish off the trip one of these decided to evacuate the contents of its stomach when our two heroes were walking in the street. A possibly misguided but totally accurate exercise took place. Fortunately for our intrepid Ambassador's sake, the Third Secretary's shoulder, which had been leaned upon rather considerably during the visit, played its last role and shouldered the final burden.

On returning home the Ambassador commented to his wife that he never knew that a bird's stomach could contain so much.