Letter from a Planet in the East

By Yolanda Kemp Spies, Seoul, Korea

Meintjeskop Ditaba No III/1999

Almost three years ago my husband and I came to Korea; he as Head of Mission and I as the unwillingly unemployed colleague-spouse. We Were just married, so Korea by default would be honeymoon, in addition to everything else that was to be new ... and believe me, everything was.

At that stage, we were both well travelled and considered ourselves open-rninded, flexible and adventurous. All the same we were supremely unprepared for the Far East, and even less prepared for the Hermit Kingdom as Korea is known. The expression culture shock does not really apply. Think, rather, in terms of culture-trauma.

Adapt ion as a woman

It took me at least a year to get to grips with this strange, proud, brooding, loner of a country. The adaptation experience was two-fold. Firstly, because I am a woman: In Korea, there is rigid social segregation between the sexes. It is therefore quite common, for example, for men to be invited without their wives to receptions after hours, and when the organisers cannot avoid having the wives there, they try a kind of apartheid trick, by having you socialise in separate areas.

Of course there are exceptions to this mentality - notably people who have lived or studied abroad. Also, the youth is breaking out of the mould, although Korean society is potently self-censuring. Women are supposed to be modest, unobtrusive, and to shun personal opinions - or put into other words, they should blend in with the wallpaper.

Adapt ion as a Foreigner

In that endeavour, I have been less than successful. Imagine somebody reprimanding my husband for allowing me to have an opinion different to his own - never mind that the topic of discussion is absolutely mundane - or ignoring me flatly at an official reception. It took me some months before I stopped taking it personally, and decided to meditate on the advantages of being an ornament. (Some tips: develop a screen-saver for your face, it saves energy; or consider the experience an intellectual vacation.)

In the second place, the fact that I am a foreigner: Now, in multicultural South Africa, the concept is no big deal. Unless people in Pretoria's streets wore polar bear fur suits, we would not even know they were foreigners. We are used to hearing languages we cannot understand, seeing all shapes and colours of people, and watching those same people going about their individual and very diverse customs. In Korea, we are painfully visible - remember the country is culturally, racially and linguistically homogeneous. There is very much a 'them and us' divide. With typical Oriental courtesy, us foreigners are treated with the utmost respect - but kept at a safe arms-length distance.

When you combine the fact that I am a foreigner AND a woman, you encounter another phenomenon the complete absence of male advances. They are, however, prone to giving impromptu, descriptive compliments, much the same way a person at an art exhibition would address a sculpture. But never a come-on the way we know it. This has spoilt me somewhat and I feel almost untouchable, and yes - very, very safe, wherever I go.

Advantages

There are, of course, distinct advantages to being ignored ... particularly when the ignoring is done by traffic cops (who, as in South Africa, are ubiquitous and hyperactive) - and what a pleasure it is to be invisible to them! I should actually put that pleasure into  perspective: Imagine ten million - all brand new - cars in a population of 45 million and most of those cars in the capital. In a nouveau riche country nobody would stoop as low as riding a bicycle! It can take an hour to drive 3 km.

I drive my own car here, and have developed the same flagrant disregard for traffic signs, which all the other millions of drivers display. I simply stare them down and manoeuvre my car into any available crack in their bumper-to-bumper armour. Usually I win because they, quite simply, feel embarrassed by the foreigner's glare. (I talk to them too,and they understand my Afrikaans just perfectly, especially when I blow the hooter)

In fact, Koreans don't get to argue with foreigners in traffic very often, because there are so few foreigners who drive! Reasons? So few of us to begin with; excellent public transport; and the most chauffeured cars per capita in the world!

Language problems

The language barrier is acute and, as can be expected, complicates practical life. The lack of English or any other international language in Korean shops, and the resultant inability of salespeople to assist (ironically, they are always present in vast numbers - one is swamped by impeccably dressed, polite people who look nervous and helpless) means that you have to go on a lucky -packet adventure: Buy boxes or bags and discover (or guess) what is inside, once you get home.

Soap and butter are packaged in similar containers, so are flour and salt, etc. etc .... to confuse is to suffer!

A product like deodorant DOES NOT EXIST. Miraculously, nobody smells of perspiration, except of course, the foreigners! (I suspect that what I purchased in the beginning, was air-freshener) Of course, the language problem forces one to develop impressive body language. I will have to stop that when we return to SA; some of my more passionate non-verbal descriptions make me look as though I'm having a seizure.

And talking about seizures - the term refers to the spontaneous reaction my otherwise patient husband has to Korean workmanship. In all fairness, it should be emphasised that Koreans are amazing workers. They simply refuse to give up, regardless of the success of an endeavour.

We have witnessed several near-disasters in our house; floods and explosions etc. because a man will be slaving away for hours (easily from early morning until late at night, when you actually have to chase him away) and then, after he leaves, several appliances which were in perfect working order, will also have expired. The next day he'll be back at your request, not blinking about the mess, but working zealously on the next monument to technical anarchy. Our agitation is always met by stoic incomprehension.

Admiration

If all of this sounds as though I'm hypercritical, it may come as a surprise that I have not only adapted, but grown a real love and admiration for the Koreans. With the enormous natural resources South Africa has, we would be a superpower if we had even a fraction of these people's diligence. They have a history of persistence and survival against all the odds - having been invaded by their giant neighbours more than 900 times! In 1953, after the Korean War, the country was officially the poorest in the world. Three decades later, it had the 11th largest economy.

Their success is not surprising. The Koreans are bloody-minded when it comes to work, absolutely dedicated and motivated.

The recent Asian economic crisis, which brought the country's economy to its knees, was a huge blow to national pride (which they have lots of), and in the beginning they reverted to a siege mentality - they faced the crisis with unyielding collective determination. Imagine long lines of people at banks, waiting patiently to strip off their gold wedding bands and heirlooms, to donate to a government in need of foreign exchange! I watched in awe, humbled by their willingness to sacrifice.

This year their economy's growth rate bounced back to 8%. To say that I am jealous on South Africa's behalf would be putting it mildly.

My un chosen sojourn in Korea has developed into a fascinating experience. It still feels as though I am on a different planet - but what a privilege it is to have this culture trauma foisted upon me! It can only be an education.