By Coen van Wyk
Colleagues know that service in the Department first causes - and thereafter requires - a measurable level of eccentricity. A clear causal correlation exists between years of service and the levels of eccentricity. The longer the former the more intense the latter.
So, when a member of the Editorial Board happened on the story of the "Lost Yellow Trolley" we kr, ~w we should publish!
For those who are not "ALL END USERS" at Head Office the background:
On 27 March 1996 Mr Leon Coetzee of Computer Facilities sent a rather desperate message titled LOST YELLOW TROLLEY in which he wrote:
"The Facilities Controllers are urgently seeking for a lost yellow portable trolley (Jolly Trolley) that might have been left behind in an office where the Controllers installed a computer and/or moved a computer from office to office.
If somebody borrowed the trolley from the Facilities Controller, it would be greatly appreciated if the troIley could be returned, or arrange for us to come and collect it.
The trolley is a very much needed commodity to this section, as some of the computer equipment we transport is too heavy to carry and too bulky to handle with the bare hands.
If somebody has seen the trolley, please report the matter as urgently as possible to the Help Desk at x0224."
It was with a large measure of wonderment that the Help Desk on 27 March 1996, received the following response from Coen van Wyk (AA81) to Facilities Controller Coetzee's message:
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The above message was the first inkling that an unsuspecting Department received of what was, in later years - and in the memoirs of doddering diplomats, to become known as "the case of the lost Jolly TroIley".
At first it was thought that colleagues, wandering around the lower or upper reaches of the Union Buildings searching for a "lost Yellow TroIley", had simply gone "off their trolley" - as a result of tensions caused by being translated, rationalized, right-sized, and so on.
But as time passed, the seriousness of the case became apparent. Cadets, or FSO, on night shift in the Ops Room, reported the sound of chirring trolley wheels, to be heard between 11 pm and midnight. Computers began disappearing mysteriously, only to reappear equally mysteriously some days later, after complaints were made to the Asset Management Section. Reports, substantiated or not, began to circulate at "Off The Record", about officials that had been considered to exist, only for the auditors to find that they did in fact, not exist. (It must be said that many of these rumours arose after close encounters between "Off The Record" patrons and spirits in glasses - the latter apparently sometimes with" ... a malty flavour")
The answer to this mystery came to light one fine day, when, after a heavy rainstorm, a ravitationally challenged foreign Ambassador flew into a rage at what could only be explained as the inexplicable absence of the desk officer, and, jumping up and down, caused the floor to collapse.
Ambassador and following, literally meant, plunged into, and through the cellar, thus opening to daylight the nether workings of the building. It was discovered that Sir Herbert Baker, on instruction of Prime Minister Jan Smuts, had begun preparations for the repulsion of a possible siege of Pretoria by the roving Rebel Forces during the First World War. Sir Herbert had apparently given instructions for the creation of a hyper secret subsection to a secretariat under the cover of an office attached to, but independent of, a certain Department, in order to do the necessary. Unfortunately, since nobody else knew about the hyper secret subsection, no one could stop their activities or disband them.
So they continued their task, to excavate Meintjieskop, and to construct a bunker to beat all bunkers, in the depths of the Union Buildings. Did you ever wonder why General Smuts was known as the author of the philosophy of Hol(e)ism?
To cut a long story short, the Hyper Secret Subsection furnished the bunker with the most modem office furniture, (ever wondered why you never get new chairs?) computers (ditto) and even personnel (yes, diplomats at the various offices, diligently pursuing the daily nap through the meanders of their offices, woke up to find themselves enrolled into the Hyper Secret Subsection, with sealed orders, stamped "BURN BEFDRE READING:" and instructions to use the best and most modem available in the Department to furnish the bunker, should General Smuts need to hide from General De Wet).
And, last but not least, in a dark and hidden corner of the bunker, shrouded in dust, was the missing Jolly Trolley!
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Published in the Meintjeskop Courier, Volume 1/1996
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